SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE MISSED JOYS OF BEING LEGALLY DEAD

DETROIT, MICHIGAN – Before the age of Facebook, (aie that sounds so formal) I actually enjoyed being MIA and written off this mortal coil. Let me explain. There are certain people I never intend on seeing again as I have progressed through this lifetime. Be it failed relationships, family, or even old bosses. There was a time where I was literally untraceable and invisible. But now I am exposed and my life is an open book for whomever wants to view it. I’m on display.

There was a quiet lull in time where it was peaceful and serene. All of the fighting, bickering and bad memories of fighting were fading. You know in most states if a person is missing for more than seven years that person is declared legally dead. It happens more often than you think. For a brief while, roughly 20+ years, I was one of those people. But then with the oncoming rush of Social Media we are once again exposed to raw wounds, moronic attacks and senseless nights. Why? Because you and I are once again in the public eye. I moved around a lot in my life and cranked up the jerk factor - I met a lot of undesirable jerks.

I have to be serious here for a moment. There are some girlfriends that I never want to hear from again. And in an age of more choice, (more music, literature, and endless religions) I have become a bigger degree of my former self. With that comes new responsibilities and stronger divisions of old, decaying relationships. I used to wake up with a sense of relief that I would never have to watch another Monty Python or Alfred Hitchcock film or eat certain foods again. Now I live in constant fear that I will run into one of these lunatics again on social media or worse be tracked down and confronted in person. So instead of waking up carefree I now wake up with the morbid dread that I will once again get contacted by one of them. I have nothing to say to these women. Or any old co-workers – some of them can be totally creepy too. It is a shame as I get older and move from state to state I have forgotten a lot of their first and last names I only remember faces. That being said – everything else about my life whether it’s professional or personal is on the web. Anyone with a mouse can read up on me.

I am no longer legally dead. But I am declared alive. Recently I was contacted by people from the 4th grade which in itself was quite alarming and strange. It was a pleasant experience for the most part but also a bit creepy. I had forgotten some of these people though my many incarnations, travels and experiences. As weird as it may sound – dead was better.

The funny thing is that before social media silence said it all. I didn’t have to do a thing. There was never a postcard from me or a phone call, an email, text message… or even a single letter. They have nothing on me in a court room. I can hardly be called a stalker because by definition stalkers have to be somewhat responsible and show up at some point. That’s what they do.

Getting contacted by someone from my past creeps me out. A relationship that’s gone dead is like a dead body. Being asked to pump fresh blood into a dead, bloated corpse is not healthy. It’s not advised and it is nothing I really care to do. Would you?

PSYCHOTIC EX-GIRLFRIENDS, FREAKY CO-WORKERS, AND MLM PEOPLE I have a huge plethora of unlikeable people in my past. I am sure you do too. I never thought for a minute I would have to ever see or hear from any of them again. But alas…. Social media is here. And these freaks can send me feel good messages, happy bacon messages and paranoid Jesus fantasies with the click of a mouse. NO THANK YOU.

REAL VICTIMS HAVE MORE TO WORRY ABOUT THAN I DO Let’s face it Social Media is really a bad thing. There are people who are hiding from abusive partners and fear for their children’s lives. They have to worry constantly on a more serious level than I do. They often leave in the middle of the night of have to live in their cars. I am nowhere near that sort of seriousness. People tend to prey on each other for weird reasons.

Then there are enemies. You know. Ass bags. I have those too just like anyone. The door is always open at my house for a good fight. I will fight you. And you know who you are. I will fight you. If you dare.

There are people whom I still hate. There are people who still hate me. Be it legally or otherwise and now we can actually see one another for what we are and where we are with addresses and private phone numbers exposed. Instead of peppering one another with feel good messages about bacon, Seth Godin and other goofy shit I will leave that door open to a good old fashioned fist battle. Because I am not afraid of a bloody nose, I’ve already been to jail and I am no stranger to a court room.

Social media can be a dangerous place. Too much personal information is available now. The world has definitely become a smaller place and this can be seen our grocery aisles, websites and the television programming that exists today. Richie and Potsie have left the coop long time ago and now we are entertained by serial killers on the Arts channel and Chicago Mafia Wives. We live in truly dangerous times because now the scumbags of the world can actually inspire one another in their heinous ways. This is evident recently with Columbine which later was repackaged and sold back to the media as the Dark Knight Killings and then once again as a lone psycho from Columbus, Ohio.

CYBER BULLYING People are weird. I figured that one out a long time ago. Trying to understand them or their twisted motives is a serious study and people go to school for it. One thing parents can be sure of. This sort of behavior is going to continue in some form or another.

Counter action is best recommended. If you are being bullied there is a simple way you can get access to private information.

1. Check I.P addresses that come into your websites

2. Report any weird behavior to Facebook and have them blocked

3. Report people to the authorities. There are actions you can take to block someone from having Internet and phone access.

4. Report people to the FBI

5. Report bad business to your local district attorneys office

6. Buy a gun, (a last resort but maybe the first choice for some of you)

Usually you can stop these people before they get too far. The FBI thing really freaks most of these people out. I have had my life threatened on Linked In, and my personal email – people are WEIRD. The best thing you can do is stay calm and offer to collect all of their correspondence and give it to the proper authorities.

GMAIL PROTECTION Get a gmail account. Gmail remembers everything. I can go into my Gmail and find emails from past clients turned psychotic if I ever need to get hauled into a court room. I keep backups of everything. Google owns Gmail and they do an excellent job of remembering every email that is sent out and that is going to mean everything to you. Especially in a court room. I can’t stress this enough. For your own protection get yourself a Gmail account. They never throw any mail away and this tool is free. Now, not everyone is going to go completely sideways on you. But there are a few every now and then. So you should get ready for it. People are strange --- that’s what Jim Morrison once said and he was right.

… he has been legally dead for years. I mean REALLY dead. But you’re not. You are here and now. SO that means that you should protect yourself in the here and now.

CANTU WAS LEGALLY DEAD FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS… but has resurfaced among the living thanks in part to Facebook, the WWW, and other social media sources. He is the author of online marketing books on Amazon.com and lives in Detroit, MI – honest… look it up.